Entries Tagged 'When a felon’s not engaged…' ↓

“The Basses’ Song”

Author: Jonathan Ichikawa

Sergeant:
Now on stage you see the chorus of the basses (of the basses)
And baritones who also sing with girth (sing with girth)
Now no tenors mar the beauty of our faces (of our faces)
A tenor is more trouble than he’s worth! (than he’s worth!)

Our confusion we make no attempt to muzzle (‘tempt to muzzle)
As our mental state collecti-tively twirls (‘tively twirls)
We devote ourselves completely to this puzzle: (to this puzzle)
Tenors look like men but sing like little girls

Police:
Ah! As our mental state collecti-tively twirls, tively twirls,
Tenors look like men but sing like little girls! Little Girls

Sergeant:
Though a tenor may be slow he tries to hide it (tries to hide it)
By singing loud enough to wake the dead (wake the dead)
If by some unworldly means we looked inside it (looked inside it)
We wonder what we’d find inside his head (ding dong!)

Some prefer the tenor voice and that is valid (that is valid)
But remember as he uses treble clef (treble clef)
Though perhaps he can produce a pretty ballad, (pretty ballad)
You will never hear a tenor sing low F!

Police:
Ah! Though he does the best he can with treble clef, treble clef
You will never hear a tenor sing low F! Sing low F!

A Statistician’s Lot

Author: Barry Haworth

When the Interviewer’s chased by an Alsatian (an Alsatian),
When she knocks on doors and everyone says no (‘one says no),
She won’t think much of my sample allocation (allocation)
After all its me that told here where to go (where to go).
When respondents are awoken from their slumber (from their slumber)
When we ring them when the cricket’s on TV (on TV),
Then they curse that rotten sod that chose their number (chose their number)
And I hope that they don’t find out that it’s me, Ah,

When there’s Market Research Surveys to be done, to be done,
A Statistician’s lot is not a happy one! (happy one!)

When Researchers come a ringing for a sample (for a sample),
That’s to go into the field that very night (very night)
You can see the time allowed is less than ample (less that ample),
You can see you need not envy me my plight (me my plight).
When the area they want is problematic (problematic)
When the Client sample files are all askew (all askew),
When the Research notes are brief and enigmatic (enigmatic)
Let me tell you that for me its nothing new, Ah,

When there’s Market Research Surveys to be done, to be done,
A Statistician’s lot is not a happy one! (happy one!)

A Producer’s Lot

Author: Sharon Brindle

When a tenor’s not engaged in his audition (his audition)
He loves to sit a-basking in his fame (in his fame)
He can not imagine any opposition (opposition)
To be able to compete with such a name (such a name)

Our sniggers we with difficulty smother (culty smother)
As he struts around and thinks he’s got it won (got it won)
But the tenor lead’s been given to another (to another)
To a lad who’s young enough to be his son

Oh, when a G&S production’s to be done, to be done
A producer’s lot is not a happy one (happy one)

When rehearsals start the chorus is appalling (is appalling)
But the new producer’s trying very hard (very hard)
We can hear the distant funeral bells a-tolling (bells a-tolling)
And we’re not performing “Yeomen of the Guard” (of the Guard)

Our soprano’s started rowing with the MD (with the MD)
Re the new cadenza for “Poor Wand’ring One” (wand’ring one)
Now our poor producer’s trying to run on empty (run on empty)
And the second act finale’s barely done.

Oh, when a G&S production’s to be done, to be done
A producer’s lot is not a happy one (happy one)

Dress rehearsal and the boss man isn’t happy (isn’t happy)
There’s no room on stage when all the girls wear hoops (girls wear hoops)
Samuel’s wandered off and Ruth is getting snappy (getting snappy)*
And the Pirate captain’s feather always droops (always droops)

Fred and Mabel aren’t talking to each other (to each other)
And the oboist is playing out of pitch (out of pitch)
But, we’re all reassuring one another (one another)
That the show will go ahead without a hitch

Oh, when a G&S production’s to be done, to be done
A producer’s lot is not a happy one (happy one)

Opening night, the pirate sherry starts to pour and (starts to pour and)
The producer makes his way towards the bar (wards the bar)
By his reckoning, if he drinks enough beforehand (nough beforehand)
Then he might not notice just how bad we are (bad we are)

But, in the end he didn’t have to do it (have to do it)
The policemen didn’t put a truncheon wrong (truncheon wrong)
And all that hair he tore out, he re-grew it (he re-grew it)
Saying “I knew they’d be brilliant all along”

Oh, when a G&S production’s to be done, to be done
A producer’s lot is quite a happy one (happy one)

*This line may be replaced with:
“Ruth’s complaining that the show’s too Joseph Papp-y (Joseph Papp-y)”

When We Venture Out

Author: John Burrows
A Song for Newport Dance Week, 1996

Verse One

Lead: When we venture out for innocent enjoyment,
Chorus: ‘cent enjoyment,
Lead: a country dance, or two, it is our plan;
Chorus: is our plan;
Lead: we meet ladies in battalions whose deployment,
Chorus: whose deployment,
Lead: negates a moment’s rest for any man.
Chorus: any man.
Lead: In an ambush near the entrance do they hover,
Chorus: do they hover,
Lead: wreathed in smiles and with dance cards in their hands;
Chorus: in their hands;
Lead: they’ll insist for just one schottische, then another,
Chorus: then another,
Lead: and they’ll not let up until they’ve got their man.

Lead & Chorus: Oh! For a single man must dance ’till-the
evening’s done, ’till it’s done,
Oh a bachelor’s life is not a happy one!
Happy One!

Verse Two

Lead: At the moment when we must find some refreshment,
Chorus: some refreshment,
Lead: For a glass of lemonade we’d pay in gold,
Chorus: pay in gold,
Lead: the next partner to whom we have a commitment,
Chorus: a commitment,
Lead: intercepts our progress to- ward the punch bowl.
Chorus: the punch bowl.
Lead: Yes, another dance, and this one is a fast one,
Chorus: it’s a fast one,
Lead: we dehydrate and our feet feel pain sublime;
Chorus: pain sublime;
Lead: but we try to make it obvious to no one,
Chorus: ‘us to no one,
Lead: for a man to sit a dance out is a crime.
Lead & Chorus: Oh! For a single man must dance ’till-the
evening’s done,’till it’s done,
Oh a bachelor’s life is not a happy one!
Happy One!