Entries Tagged 'Princess Ida' ↓

Starr Struck

Author: Raymond Frost, 1998

As Independent Counsel, elite of all the Bar
I run my own Star Chamber, of which I am the Starr
Each little fault of nature and character defect
In our erring politicians I endeavour to correct
Their little indiscretions I’ll unerringly reveal
Whatever the anatomy exposed to touch or feel,
I aim to be impartial- at least, I always try,
Yet everybody says I’m such a disagreable guy
And I can’t think why

With the ladies I am courteous and kindly as can be
I question them politely over little cups of tea
To get the evidence I want, immunity may fail
A more effective method is to throw them into jail.
Alas, they think the honest truth will help to get them freed,
But truth may never quite convey the evidence I need
Although I’m just a pilgrim on a pure and holy mission,
They say I’m like McCarthy or the Spanish Inquisition
And I can’t think why

The evidence in Whitewater and Vincent Foster too
Was never really useful if it was entirely true,
But now I’ve got a witness who says she always lies,
The kind of evidence I want, to her is no surprise.
Let not the marriage of true minds admit impediment
The gods are working with me, from heaven she was sent
She’ll make two million dollars, her story soon to sell
And I will send this Lefty to a Righteous kind of hell
And you’ll all know why

(tune: King Gama’s song (And I can’t think why) )

We Ice Warriors Three

Author: Doug MacKenzie,Lakeshore Light Opera, Montreal, Quebec, Canada

From the distant frozen prairie
come the goons of Donald Cherry.
They played hockey violently,
were suspended, consequently.
Goons of Cherry, hail! Oh, hail!

We ice warriors three,
like our body checks.
Like most jocks are we,
masculine in sex!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Masculine in sex!

Strategy we bar,
we are somewhat bent.
On the whole we are
not intelligent!
No! No! No!
Not intelligent!

But with booted blade
we can crush and maim.
You should be afraid!
Hockey is our game!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Hockey is our game!

Bold and fierce and strong, ha, ha!
That’s the way we play!
Up and down the ice, ha, ha!
Don’t get in our way!
We will drop our gloves and fight!
Watch us with dismay!
We are not too bright, ha, ha!
Hockey is our game! Yes! Yes! Yes! Hockey is our game! Ha! Ha!

From the author:

Dear Sirs,
I wrote this parody of Arac’s song from Princess Ida for our annual Halloween party and involved three rather large guys dressed as battered and bruised hockey players (at the last minute, Scynthius had to cancel and was replaced by his girlfriend who became, with a slight costume modification, Scynthia). The concept, if not the execution, won first prize. The intro was performed by various friends.

If you give me your attention…

Author: Sharon Brindle

1.If you give me your attention I will tell you what I am
I’m a G&S enthusiast who spouts ad nauseam
I know the lib from every show and point out each defect
To the erring fellow actors I endeavour to correct

My thinking is traditional, some call me prejudiced
When I gasp in scorn and horror at a rehashed “Little List”
I love the Savoy Operas – I quote them where I can –
Yet everybody says I’m such a disagreeable man!
And I can’t think why!

2. My walls at home are all adorned with every print from “Spy”,
The Players’ cigarette cards to impress the passer-by,
I bought a PC so I could subscribe to Savoynet
*Of the G&S discography I’m sure I’ve got the set

I know about the lozenge plot and carpet quarrel too,
How Arthur wrote “Come Mighty Must” when he was on the brew,
I often entertain my peers with stories partisan,
Yet everybody says I’m such a disagreeable man!
And I can’t think why!

3. My cerebral dexterity is something to behold,
I’ve written lengthy parodies, quite promising I’m told
I read the “Precious Nonsense”, “NODA News”, “The Trumpet Bray”
And I write them monthly letters ‘cos I’ve always lots to say.

When Buxton comes around again you won’t see me for dust
To hob-nob with the D’Oyly Carte, it really is a must
I’ve fraternised with Thomas Round and darling Peggy Ann,
Yet everybody says I’m such a disagreeable man!
And I can’t think why!

*And I cheerfully subscribe to all the rules of S’nettiquette

The Professor’s Song

Author: Tom Lehrer

originally printed in American Mathematical Monthly, 81 (1974) 745:

If you give me your attention, I will tell you what I am.
I’m a brilliant math’matician – also something of a ham.
I have tried for numerous degrees, in fact I’ve one of each;
Of course that makes me eminently qualified to teach.
I understand the subject matter thoroughly, it’s true,
And I can’t see why it isn’t all as obvious to you.
Each lecture is a masterpiece, meticulously planned,
Yet everybody tells me that I’m hard to understand,
And I can’t think why.

My diagrams are models of true art, you must agree,
And my handwriting is famous for its legibility.
Take a word like “minimum” (to choose a random word),
{This was performed at a blackboard, and the professor wrote:
For anyone to say he cannot read that, is absurd.
The anecdotes I tell get more amusing every year,
Though frankly, what they go to prove is sometimes less than clear,
And all my explanations are quite lucid, I am sure,
Yet everybody tells me that my lectures are obscure,
And I can’t think why.

Consider, for example, just the force of gravity:
It’s inversely proportional to something – let me see –
It’s r^3 – no, r^2 – no, it’s just r, I’ll bet –
The sign in front is plus – or is it minus, I forget –
Well, anyway, there is a force, of that there is no doubt.
All these formulas are trivial if you only think them out.
Yet students tell me, “I have memorized the whole year through
Ev’rything you’ve told us, but the problems I can’t do.”
And I can’t think why!