The Businessman’s Progress

Author: Matthew Feldwick

When I was a Lad I served a term,
As under manager for me old man’s firm,
I cleaned the fruit and I laid the law,
And I charged them all to use the door

(And he charged them all to use the door)

In charging for use it made me see,
How I could be a captain industry.

(In charging for use it made him see,
How he could be a captain industry!)

In gaining money I made such a splash,
That I soon took the trouble to guard the cash,
I added the takings and divided by three
And most of the mullah came back to me!

(And most of the mullah came back to he)

In making money come back to me,
I knew I could be a captain of industry!

(In making money come back to he,
he knew he could be a captain of industry!)

When Daddy’s business went down the pan,
I got myself a very clever plan.
I made a shinny plaque of brass
And vowed then never to move my arse.

(he vowed then never to move his arse.)

In not moving arse, money flocked to me,
‘Til now I am a captain of Industry!

(In not moving arse, money flocked to he,
‘Til now he is a captain of industry!)

In my studious office I played many games,
With income tax and capital gains,
I read the statutes of government men,
And sent bogus invoices to all of them!

(And sent bogus invoices to all of them!)

In sending these demands I noted with glee
That I could be called Captain of Industry!

(In sending these demands he noted with glee
That he could be called a Captain of Industry!)

At age thirty five, I retired to be
A worthless toff who liked the sea,
I had many a girl in every port
And spared the world but little thought.

(And spared the world but little thought)

The world got so few thoughts from me,
That now I am a captain of industry!

(The world got so few thoughts from he,
That now he is a captain of industry!)

Now poor men all, whatever you do
Whether pushing pens or shovelling poo.
If your morals are like, less than full,
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule!

(Be careful to be guided by this golden rule!)

It’s only YOU that matters, and then you’ll be
All very proud captains of industry!

(It’s only YOU that matters, and then you’ll be
All very proud captains of industry!)