A Producer’s Lot

Author: Sharon Brindle

When a tenor’s not engaged in his audition (his audition)
He loves to sit a-basking in his fame (in his fame)
He can not imagine any opposition (opposition)
To be able to compete with such a name (such a name)

Our sniggers we with difficulty smother (culty smother)
As he struts around and thinks he’s got it won (got it won)
But the tenor lead’s been given to another (to another)
To a lad who’s young enough to be his son

Oh, when a G&S production’s to be done, to be done
A producer’s lot is not a happy one (happy one)

When rehearsals start the chorus is appalling (is appalling)
But the new producer’s trying very hard (very hard)
We can hear the distant funeral bells a-tolling (bells a-tolling)
And we’re not performing “Yeomen of the Guard” (of the Guard)

Our soprano’s started rowing with the MD (with the MD)
Re the new cadenza for “Poor Wand’ring One” (wand’ring one)
Now our poor producer’s trying to run on empty (run on empty)
And the second act finale’s barely done.

Oh, when a G&S production’s to be done, to be done
A producer’s lot is not a happy one (happy one)

Dress rehearsal and the boss man isn’t happy (isn’t happy)
There’s no room on stage when all the girls wear hoops (girls wear hoops)
Samuel’s wandered off and Ruth is getting snappy (getting snappy)*
And the Pirate captain’s feather always droops (always droops)

Fred and Mabel aren’t talking to each other (to each other)
And the oboist is playing out of pitch (out of pitch)
But, we’re all reassuring one another (one another)
That the show will go ahead without a hitch

Oh, when a G&S production’s to be done, to be done
A producer’s lot is not a happy one (happy one)

Opening night, the pirate sherry starts to pour and (starts to pour and)
The producer makes his way towards the bar (wards the bar)
By his reckoning, if he drinks enough beforehand (nough beforehand)
Then he might not notice just how bad we are (bad we are)

But, in the end he didn’t have to do it (have to do it)
The policemen didn’t put a truncheon wrong (truncheon wrong)
And all that hair he tore out, he re-grew it (he re-grew it)
Saying “I knew they’d be brilliant all along”

Oh, when a G&S production’s to be done, to be done
A producer’s lot is quite a happy one (happy one)

*This line may be replaced with:
“Ruth’s complaining that the show’s too Joseph Papp-y (Joseph Papp-y)”

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