The Accidental Admiral

Author: Elise Matthesen, 9/19/96

He is the very model of an Accidental Admiral
Familiar with the frying-pan, the fire and the free-for-all;
He’s chummy with the Emperor — won’t let him get morose again —
And when the intrigue starts to wane, just call in Miles Vorkosigan.

He’s very well acquainted, too, with matters of security;
The overwhelming menace in his motives is their purity;
His hyperactive habits are are believed to be incurable,
But actually they’re useful, for they make him pretty durable.

He’s very good with justice and occasions magisterial
And he’s a Vor that one can trust with matters quite Imperial;
So whether it’s a picnic, an invasion or a free-for-all
He is the very model of an Accidental Admiral.

At moments of excitement one can see him flailing frantically
(It’s possible in combat but it’s likelier romantically)
He idolized Elena and was hoping he could marry her
But didn’t know her warrior ambitions were a barrier;

He brought in Trainee Taura, who is like a Wookie Amazon
(He got her into uniform but likes her with pajamas on)
He’s ship’s so full of women you’d mistake it for a nunnery —
But one where all the sisters are superior at gunnery.

Some think that he’s a Vorish twit, effete and egotistical,
Some feel for him a reverence that borders on the mystical,
But whether it’s in fealty, in fieldwork or a free-for-all,
He is the very model of an Accidental Admiral.

Subordination’s difficult — he’s had all he can stand of it —
But point him at a problem and he’s sure to take command of it,
And as for plans alternative he’s sure to have a million.
His little mind’s so devious, he croggles Simon Illyan.

And Illyan’s who receives the tales of matters mercenarial,
In masterful reports of obfuscation actuarial,
For Miles is mayhem’s magnet — this conclusion’s ineluctable —
And Simon is considering a hike in his deductible.

So when it comes to mercenary’s luck and synchonicity,
From galaxy to galaxy, from war to infelicity,
You’re bound to find Vorkosigan a grinnin’ in the free-for-all:
He is the very model of an Accidental Admiral.

(Reprints by written permission of the author only; for permissions and
other information, please contact lioness@well.com. Thank you!)

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