Starr Struck

Author: Raymond Frost, 1998

As Independent Counsel, elite of all the Bar
I run my own Star Chamber, of which I am the Starr
Each little fault of nature and character defect
In our erring politicians I endeavour to correct
Their little indiscretions I’ll unerringly reveal
Whatever the anatomy exposed to touch or feel,
I aim to be impartial- at least, I always try,
Yet everybody says I’m such a disagreable guy
And I can’t think why

With the ladies I am courteous and kindly as can be
I question them politely over little cups of tea
To get the evidence I want, immunity may fail
A more effective method is to throw them into jail.
Alas, they think the honest truth will help to get them freed,
But truth may never quite convey the evidence I need
Although I’m just a pilgrim on a pure and holy mission,
They say I’m like McCarthy or the Spanish Inquisition
And I can’t think why

The evidence in Whitewater and Vincent Foster too
Was never really useful if it was entirely true,
But now I’ve got a witness who says she always lies,
The kind of evidence I want, to her is no surprise.
Let not the marriage of true minds admit impediment
The gods are working with me, from heaven she was sent
She’ll make two million dollars, her story soon to sell
And I will send this Lefty to a Righteous kind of hell
And you’ll all know why

(tune: King Gama’s song (And I can’t think why) )