I once was a very abandoned soul

Author: Sharon Brindle

M: I once was a very abandoned soul
F: Known as the last of the great big spenders,
M: Now I am broke and on the dole,
F: We have to stay home and watch “Eastenders”.
M: No more can I go on raucus benders,
We’re living rough,
She’s up the duff,
F: And Kev’s in a home for young offenders.

(Dance)

M: Our son Roberta is changing genders.

F: I was once an exceedingly slim young lady,
M: Trying out every kind of diet,
F: I used to stop traffic in my heyday,
M: She was the cause of the Brixton Riot.
F: He won’t eat my food unless I fry it,
But still, it’s true
I’m eating for two,
M: (Aside) She’s eating for twelve but I’m keeping quiet!

(Dance)

F: (Aside) I’ve told him I’m pregnant, I think he’ll buy it!

M: I’ve given up all my aimless drifting,
F: Mooching around and looking slobby,
M: I’ve taken up gambling and shoplifting,
F: It’s lovely to think he’s got a hobby,
M: We keep a Rottweiler in the lobby,
I spend my fill
Down William Hill,
M: He’s very well known by the local bobby.

(Dance)

M+F: I’m starting to look like Mr Blobby.