PULP OPERETTA: (My Eyes are Fully Open To) The Bonnie Situation

Author: Andrew Solovay

Author’s Note:
(If you haven’t seen Pulp Fiction, this scene is about… um… it’s where… Oh, just see the darned movie.)

The scene: Jules and Vincent have just arrived at Jimmy’s home, covered with Marvin’s blood. They need to get rid of the body before Jimmy’s wife Bonnie gets home…

Jules:

I know that you’ve gone straight, so I regret my rude intruding
But I hope our ugly business will be presently concluding.
Vincent Vega is my partner, or he was until this morning
But I’m ready now to dump him (I am giving him fair warning).
He’s a pleasant natured fellow, friendly once you get to know him,
But I’ll never trust him anymore as far as I can throw him
What with waving guns around like traffic safety doesn’t matter–
Now our prisoner is dead, and I am covered with the splatter!

Vince: And I’m covered with the splatter splatter splatter…
Jimmy: Ew, he’s dripping all the splatter splatter splatter…

Vince:

I resent your allegation that I’m cranially lacking,
Or that when it comes to safety I indulge in any slacking.
I was careful with the gun, and I don’t think that it was loaded–
So I’ve no idea why Marvin’s head spontaneously exploded.
All today I haven’t had a chance to light myself a spliff in
And I haven’t touched the heroin since yesterday at tiffin,
So I’m quite as level-headed as Detective Phil Vanatter,
So whatever else you say, you can’t blame me for all the splatter!

Jules: Yes, I blame you for the splatter splatter splatter…
Jimmy: What’s the deal with all the splatter splatter splatter…

Jimmy:

I don’t think you appreciate the Bonnie Situation.
If she sees the way you look I’m facing imminent castration.
I’ve repented all my history of murderous adventures,
And your boss was good enough to have forgiven my indentures.
Now you’ve thrown it out the window,
’cause I doubt she’ll be ignoring
The undoubted illegality of negro-body-storing,
So get out of here before this moron makes me any madder
And I cream him with a frying-pan and add to all the splatter!

Jules: Just be cool about the splatter splatter splatter…
Vince: Jimmy’s head is gonna splatter splatter splatter…

All: I bet we get an Oscar for this hip and witty patter,
But the rest will go to _Gump_ ’cause it is lower on the splatter!

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