A soapy little list

Author: Lynda Moulton

As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I’ve got a little list–I’ve got a little list!
Of soap op’ra offenders who might well be underground,
And who never would be missed–who never would be missed!

The pestilential pretty-boy who never wears his shirt–
All characters who live high and fast and never seem to work–
All children who are sent upstairs and come down middle-aged–
The diva Doc who’s dumb as rocks and more than often caged–
And miscreants on meddling with lab results insist–
They’d none of ’em be missed–they’d none of ’em be missed!

She’s got ’em on the list–she’s got ’em on the list;
And they’ll none of ’em be missed–they’ll none of ’em be missed!

The swaggering execuprods who only fire the best.
The ratings masochist! I’ve got THEM on the list!
The model/actor wannabe who’s just a wax-ed chest–
They never would be missed! They never would be missed.

The characters who are saintly heroes/heroines at heart
Have had their brains and spines excised by writers e’re they start.
The villains who can havoc wreak with very little rue
And cops so dim, and citizens who cannot grasp a clue.
And this oddball aberration: The Soapy columnist!
I KNOW he’d not be missed, I know he’d not be missed!

She’s got him on the list–she’s got him on the list;
And I don’t think he’ll be missed–I’m sure he’ll not be missed!

The doctor who does everything and never is non-plussed–
The multi-specialist! I’ve got him/her on the list!
The rookie cops who make their captain’s bars with one good bust–
They’d none of them be missed! Oh no, they’d not be missed!

And shallow, ditzy juniors with the latest retro look,
Who make degrees, with untold ease, and never crack a book!
And daughters bed their mother’s new found beau with scruples few–
And likewise topsy-turvy, vicey-versy: Well! Who knew?

But it really doesn’t matter who you put upon the list–
For they’d none of ’em be missed–they’d none of ’em be missed!